The Ex (we all have one)

Admit it, we all have one. I didn't realize how lucky I was to have gone through so many and not have like so many have had.

You know, the ones that stalk the crap outta you and won't leave you alone? I never had an ex like that before. Once our relationship was done, so was everything else. Now, a few after several passing years, we became friends, again. But not very often did that happen.

My ex takes the cake. I'v been married twice before and both times divorced, a reject from down under in between the two marriages, (not to count all the rejects before my first husband), and my current ex takes the cake of being worse than all of them put together. Now, you're thinking, well then they weren't that bad. *Laughs* Oh, yeah! They were! Ask anyone who knows me, they've met a few of them and they'll tell you, the last one made the others look like Angels. (literally)

Lets back up to when we were together. (remind you, he's 30+ years old, NEVER lived out on his own and no kids) I'll go into deeper explanation later...

Over the age of 30 and still lived at home.
Didn't find out until later that his car was his sister's. (Because I did most of the driving)
Constantly bragging (and not in a good way) about his ex.
[Okay, that's was the middle now onto the end of the relationship]
Took me on one date.
I run two businesses. He said, "Aren't you going to get at least a part time job?"
On more than one occasion said, "You have to sleep at night."
And this, "When do you see your kid?"
And this, "You're not a responsible parent."
And this, "You're parenting wrong."
And this, "Your son doesn't listen."
And this, "You're lazy. You don't do anything."
And this, "All you do is complain."
And this, "It's in the past, (referring to my son's biological father), get over it."
This is what he said to my friends, "She's a selfish bitch. She's living off her kid's child support."
And this, "She lied about everything. Now, (points to my friend) you're a great parent."
And this, "She's always on her phone."
And this, "She's living off welfare."
And this, "She doesn't really own a publishing company."
And this, "My ex always wanted to go out and spend money on her." (first meeting to my friends, he complains about his ex)
And this, "That's all she ever asked for (money). Her financials should have been a red flag."
And this, "She's nothing but drama."

Okay, you get the drift. If you know a writer, or are a writer yourself, you know the hours put into writing a book. Well, then throw in running a publishing company and a subsidiary company. Congrats, you have my life - mixed in with being a single parent.

So, my day, (not getting any or barely any sleep from the night before - because getting caught up), spend the day with my kid/attempt to get a couple of hours of work in. After dinner, spend it with the boyfriend. Go home and work on the things that I didn't get finished from the night before. - That's my day.

He was good the first meeting. The second meeting, it was ALWAYS about his ex. I actually said, "I'm not her! Quit comparing me to her!"

I don't receive any type of child support for my child. So living off $0, hey! I'm rich! Because of my private insurance rates increasing from like $49 a month to $450 a month, (for two doctor visits a year), to monitor my asthma I went on medicaid. (And my monthly prescription went from $15 to $150 a month) Sorry, if you think that's welfare. If you do, then I was on welfare. I didn't receive a check from the state. I didn't receive anything except for my meds to be paid for.

He wanted me to get at least a part time job, complained about me not sleeping, - all for what?
When do I see my kid? Uh, during the day and I go out after he's asleep. (No, I don't leave him at home alone. Grandma and Grandpa is only down the street so he stays there when I go out.)

Nothing and I do mean nothing was ever good enough for him. Telling me how to parent. Telling me how to live. Telling me how to live my life. It just got worse and worse and worse. (Stupid me, I was in "love") He takes me on ONE date during the course of our ENTIRE relationship. To a concert. And, he'll say it wasn't a date. I say it was. But, all the other times we were together, we went for walks and talked. Okay, whatever, I'm not hard to please. But, don't say you're wasting money on me when, *cough* *cough* I always had to drive to your "parents" house to hang out with you.

I might add, during the course of our relationship, I spent more time with his family than he had with mine. (Spoiler alert - He cursed me out saying he spent time with them. I asked him what my brother's name was. He couldn't answer. I asked him what my parents names were. He couldn't answer.)

So, one day he breaks up with me via text. Okay, he could have been a man and at least called me since I was out of town. Guess who's shoulder he goes to lean on? His "best friend" and my "best friend". He listened to a bunch of rumors from some "friends" (who are no longer my friends), and began to blab to my friends. (But didn't do the grownup/responsible thing and come to me). Hence where the, "she lives off her kid's child support". Came from. Oh! And the fact that I had to give the house back to my ex-husband, I had to move in with my parents for a short period of time. He added, "And she moved back in with her parents. She can't even find a place of her own."

(Isn't it amazing everything you see "after" the fact?)

Here's a little turn table. He ran his own business. When he would fall short on cash, he would borrow from his family.

And, yes, it keeps getting better. "Your finances should have been a sign of how much trouble you're in. Your credit is shot." I laughed! I needed a new car. So what did I do? I drove to the dealership I have a good report with, (long story short), Signed on a brand new car, no money down. Him? He needed a new car. Couldn't get approved. He needed a co-signer. Even on a $5k car, he needed to put money down. Explain to me a score of 750 my credit is shot? Explain to me how I walked in, no money down, signed, and drove off the lot in a brand new $25k car?

I might add, an unexpected expense came in for the month. (It was a blessing at the same time, but didn't think I needed the extra cash right away) I sold my oldest laptop. (To the same dumbass friend who was spreading lies about me) I didn't know it at that time. Another long story short, my boyfriend gives my friend the money. (Behind my back after I told him to stay out of it) My dumbass friend moved away and didn't pay him back. He calls me the user. (If I'm missing something, please let me know) He hasn't returned my jewelry. I've asked for it back, oh, and I'm mentioning this because well, those who have been there, will know. I asked for it back, never got it back. Actually I was told, "get it yourself" from my friends. (Because I'm still out of town) I also get told, "Get it when you get back." Uh, isn't that prolonging the drama? I don't think so. So as far as I'm concerned, I made the last payment on the jewelry months after we were broken up. I know I ain't gonna get my shit back, so now he can't say I took anything from him. (Even though I don't believe I had in the beginning, but oh, well)

I lost my grandmother and not once did he ever say, "go visit her." (She was sick during the time we were together) Never once did he offer to be there for me. Never once did he do anything to show his support. That was until the day she passed away. I couldn't be there for her wake or funeral. So, I vented on facebook. He cursed me out for swearing. I put a post up, "RIP Grandma. Today is not the day to fuck with me." And he comes back with saying to watch my language because his family was on my friends list.

Okay, so we're broken up, and he's blocked me. He goes to all my friends and starts bad mouthing me. The one he was telling was "such a great mother" to, she said, everything you're accusing her of doing, that's me. My friends were pissed that he was talking shit about the privates of our relationship. (At a wake none-the-less) During this time, he was checking out another friend. (who was taken)

He expected me to come crawling back after he treated me the way he did and said all that shit about me. Yeah, nah. Wasn't going to happen. While he had me blocked, I went on with my life. I was finally getting caught up with work. (I couldn't before because if I didn't respond back right away, he accused me of cheating on him)

Well....yup, you guessed it. He unblocked me and we talked. We were "together" without the title. He didn't want anyone knowing he was back with me. (I was just seeing how long it was going to last for) We weren't together but he talked like we were. I told him to stop. We're either together, or we're not. I'm going going to be your dirty little secret. The belittlement got a hell of a lot worse. Constantly bringing up the past. Constantly telling me how bad of a mother I was. Oh, and he said, (brace yourself ladies) "It's impossible to have a miscarriage." Constantly talked about his ex. I was like dude, the future, I'm talking about the future, why are you bringing up the past? It's done, it's over with, move on.

I had to listen to it from my friends. He wouldn't let anything drop! He was beating a dead horse that had already turned into a skeleton. One night, he wouldn't give up. I had, had enough. I blocked him, in every format imaginable.

I'm not going to lie. For a few days afterwards, I wanted to apologize for other reacting. But, I didn't. I had too much pride and self respect. (Yes, I know for "love" you swallow your pride) But, to be mentally abused on a daily basis? Nah, sorry, I walk away from it. (I'm not even going to go into the lies he told his family - it's another book in the works) Any time my friends would mention him (because he was talking to them) I told them I didn't want to hear it. Or I laughed with them. I never asked how he was doing and I never initiated the conversation about him.

So the hours turned into days. The days turned into weeks. And the weeks turned into months. Each day I got stronger and valued myself more than the day before. With him out of my life, I was able to see clearly. I accomplished six months of work in a month without being distracted from him. I have never had so much self-respect for myself as I do right now. They stopped mentioning him to me and I never brought him up.

To this day, he's still bad mouthing me. Though, he'll never deny when someone says, "you love her." The funny part, I unblocked him, and he goes and blocks me. HA! Yes, I lost a few friends during this. But I'm not sad. I've learned. I've learned who I can trust and who I can't. That is the best lesson I can learn and I'm not walking away from it.

So, the worst relationship of my life, was the hardest lesson to learn. But I didn't walk away with nothing. Sure, I lost my jewelry. I lost time away from friends and family. But, I learned so much more. I learned to know when to say, enough is enough, and walk away. I learned that no matter how much you prove yourself's worth to someone, they'll never see it. I've learned that no matter what you give up, it'll never be enough. I've learned that during your trying times, you realize who will be there for you.

What was the real eye opener to make me stronger? I suffered from depression (a strong case of it) and turned to people I trusted. (Those I trusted, weren't there for me) I really sat back to think. You know, you get the times of you wished you were with the guy before? Well, it dawned on me. He wouldn't have been there for me. He was never there any other time I needed him before. With something as severe as depression, I knew the horrible things he would have said. And that was when I realized I was glad that I never picked up that phone to call/text him. He would have made things not only worse, but he would have held them over my head.

So, I vowed, to who ever the next lucky bastard would be, I raised the bar so high, I can't even touch it. And, I'm keeping it there. I also learned what happens when I lower my standards. That ain't ever gonna happen again!

Oh, and yes, I did leave out of what he did. (again, saving that for a future book) Hey! He's the one that said, "I hope you're going to write a book about us." And, yes, I sure the Hell am! I swear, a lot of the stuff I write about, I can't make up.