New Dating

Maybe not all, but most can relate.

You see me talk about my books.  I’m a regular person just like y’all.  So I’m sure you want to know more about me, than just what I’m writing about.  So anything book related to the series will be on that book’s webpage.

Have you gotten out of a divorce? A bad relationship? A not so bad relationship? A well decided to take a break from the dating scene to focus on your career?  Then decided to jump back in?  It’s a whole other world.  Those born in the 80′s and earlier can relate.

The one thing about the books, (yes I’m talking about the books), LOL it relates to life doesn’t stop and it changes to how we once thought it was.  I started writing, and when I was done writing, it’s like everything was backwards.

I’m an 80′s born and raised girl.  I’m old fashioned.  So let’s start with that.  How did we used to meet people?  It wasn’t by what you’re reading off of now.  It was getting out of the house and going somewhere.  You met someone by walking the mall, parks, get togethers, whatever the case may be.

I  remember this.  I was 15 (I think, maybe 16) and working.  There was this somewhat cute guy.  Older than me.  I knew he was player.  You knew by looking and talking to him.  That’s why I never paid him any mind.  He kept hinting that he wanted my ‘digits’.  A naive girl I was at the time.  Annoyed everyone by asking them was were digits?  Seriously I didn’t know.  I still didn’t put it together when they told me it was 7 numbers.  I always counted area codes, so yeah my mind blew by that one.

Now, after more than one failed marriage, and a kid, and my career on hold, going back to school to finish, the dating scene is harder than ever.

I’m not looking for another marriage.  But I’m not looking for what they call a FWB. Friends with benefits.  I don’t play that.  One night stand, oh no.  It was a real eye opener lately to see a lot of things change place to what once was.

Divorce – oh hell, if you don’t like your partner tomorrow, divorce them and marry another one two days later.

You get someone pregnant or you get pregnant – depending on your age – MTV here we come! OH please, don’t even get me started.  By no means am I saying you should get married if you become pregnant.  But when you’re on your 7th kid by a different person, yeah.

There seems (again, maybe its just me) that there is no family values anymore.  I still take them very seriously.  When people ask me about my past.  I usually start with my first husband.  (Because anything beyond, I was young and stupid) Hey, we all have those moments.

First husband, couldn’t keep his pants up.  Couldn’t handle playing house and took off shortly after our son was born.
After him – Used me until the well ran dry and moved in with the girl he was cheating on me with.
After him – Didn’t even last a night, complete idiot.
After him – Couldn’t grow up/take responsibility/alcoholic (and not a nice one)

So a decade later – guys want the barbie doll frames for trophy’s on their arm.  I ain’t no barbie doll.  I have curves.  Take that as you will.  I don’t want to be a barbie doll either.  I don’t want everything.

This is what I’ve encountered -

Bad date (there’s many but picking the top ones)

Looks nothing like picture, bad comb over, and boring conversation. (Boring I mean, I had more of a conversation with the window that was 20 ft away)

Now guys take some notes here – IDK about all girls, I’m speaking about me and the old fashion kind.

I’m NOT hot, cute, or pretty.  I’m DAMN beautiful and gorgeous.

We all know getting to know someone new is hard.  Believe you me I know.

There will be awkward silence. – in the beginning.  Me, personally, I don’t care if you ramble on about rocks, it tells me that you want to keep the conversation going and it might spark into another conversation.

If sex is the topic within the first 5 minutes – I move on. Yes, I’ll be honest, I want to know your size, I want to know if you’re decent in bed because committing to you.  But there’s so much more behind that.  Yes, I know society has us hooked on sex.  But I don’t need to hear it.  Let’s be honest you can tell our size by looking at us, we can’t tell yours.

This is not my idea of a pick up line, “Let’s get naked and cuddle.”  Do you really think that I’m that stupid to believe it?  I go running straight for the hills.  You may not be a little over critical about your body, (even though some are proud of their small beer belly) us women who have had children who are NEVER going to fit into what we were in high school, yes are little embarrassed.  Let’s be honest women, our metabolism has changed and no matter how active we are, it’s like the fat just doesn’t want to leave our body.

We are all crazy.  So if someone says they have no skeletons. HA! We ALL do!!!! It doesn’t matter who you are.  Some yes, are more than others.  Drama is based on who’s observing the drama.  My drama in my life is fairly low.  It’s the others who bring it into my world.  Never go looking for skeletons because when you do, yours will fall out.

Maybe I’m a little too blunt up front then most are used to.  But I would rather know what you’re getting yourself into.  The multiple failed marriages and a child.  And please guys – (and girls) don’t lie about not having a kid.  I met a really great guy.  But he wasn’t so great because he’s like see that picture, (duh – you mean the hot super model?) that’s my kid she’s holding.  He wanted me to like him because back at that time, I would not date a guy who had a kid.  I told him, it was up for me to decide for one, two and if I didn’t meet you solely for that reason, would you want to be with someone like me?  We lost contact after that.  I’m not going to lie, he was a sweet guy.  His downfall is that he lied to me.  Not about something small.  Oh I’m a clean freak and you go over and it looks like WWIII struck over night.  If you’re going to deny your kid, what makes me think if things worked out between us, if you wouldn’t deny if we had one.  He did say he wouldn’t.  I broke it off.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve always made the right decision.  Oh but girls (and guys) here’s an important lesson I’ve learned the hard way.  If you’re dating someone and they haven’t told you that they love you yet.  Don’t take their drunk “I love you” seriously.  Yeah, because they won’t remember it the next day when you greet them with a loving “I love you.”  They’ll look at you like you’re insane.  Then they think you’re moving too fast.

Now, if you have a close knit of friends, (like Lexi does, yes I mentioned the book), have them meet your friends.  My friends warned me on the bad ones.  I brushed them off.  I’m sorry I ever did.  I feel sorry for my married friends – because I’m the 3rd wheel.  Some – okay, okay, okay, all of the time.

It’s the little things that mean the world to me.  Sending me a text message to let me know that you’re thinking about me.  That means I’ve crossed your mind.  A hug.  And not just any old hug.  The hug that tells me that you’ve missed me. Holding my hand in public – meaning I’m not your dirty little secret.  If I’m willing to fight for you – you better be willing to fight for me.

When one stops complaining and doesn’t even care if you exist, yeah.  When I sit there and tell you how I feel.  When I sit there and sob and ask you a thousand questions, it’s because I care.  Not because I’m trying to be annoying or controlling.  When you sit there and tell me that you’ll be home in 5 minutes and don’t come home until 5 hours later because you were drinking with your buddies that were talking shit about me and you were taking their side!  That one still erks me.

My quote that I used a lot in my last marriage.  If you can’t touch me sober don’t touch me when you’ve been drinking.  If you can’t touch me when you’re awake, don’t expect it 15 minutes before my alarm goes off for the day, while you get to sleep in.  I need that extra 15 minutes so hopefully I don’t loose my sanity throughout the day.

If you can’t show support in anything your significant other does, you have no entitlement to get pissy with them.  Regardless if I make it big or not.  If you can’t be there to support me through my worst then you sure as the hell don’t deserve my best.  And I know that I’m very damn well worth it.

We will always compare our worst and see it for the future.  We have to learn of when it is and when it’s not the same.

Come on – we’ve all done it at one time or another.  “Hey bro – I’m going on a date.  Call me in an hour.”  Yup I’ve done it.  Yeah, but not really it’s being mean.  Yes, I would rather have, I’m not interested in the beginning. But then again, it’s human nature to feel sorry by not being that blunt.

One of my favorite ones.  “Sorry, I gotta go,” he said, quickly as he hung up the phone.  And you never hear from him again.  Or, “Sorry I didn’t want you thinking that I stood you up, but I got called into work,” he said, behind a hidden, oh yeah she’s not as hot as her picture look upon his face.

I was told that if I lost some weight and wore make up I could be a real hottie.  Well that’s good to know what NOT to do.  Because I don’t want to be a hottie.  He wasn’t much to look at ladies, so don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.  Oh – but if I wanted to have some fun, to call him.  Yeah okay, now there’s a major turn on!  NOT!

There were some good ones in between, but no chemistry.  Yes, physical attraction is a part.  But I like to get to know someone for their heart, that’s what makes them beautiful.  (Trust me if you’ve seen some of my ex’s you would know that I am speaking the truth) My first husband, everyone refers to him as the ‘tool’.  Still not sure what that means.  But yeah, there’s my taste.

For those that want to give up.  Trust me I know the feeling.  It’s hard.  Those that you think are decent, don’t find you attractive enough to give you the time of day.  The ones that you don’t find attractive – oh – which leads me onto the next topic.

Don’t be needy.  Let us see that you have a life.  If I say I’m going into a meeting, that doesn’t mean to text me 5 minutes later asking me if I received your voicemail.

With as much technology as there is, it’s only making the dating scene so much harder.

Questions I ask myself:

How many other girls have you said this too?

How many other girls have actually bought it?

OH! This one I just remembered.  Met a guy from the internet.  (yeah bad me) But we were sitting in his living room, reading, no shit, a car muscle magazine, talking about it.  He couldn’t get over it.  Then came a knock at the door.  Middle of winter.  His ex-girlfriend was there begging him back.  She walked to see him.  He apologized to take her home.  Whatever.  Never heard from him again.

I lost my high school class key because of a jerk who wouldn’t return it.  Oh I’m pissed over that.  I worked all summer to save up for my ring and class items myself.

Another thing – I have the open mouth, input foot syndrome.  I’ll say things and then smack my forehead about how stupid that sounded.  We all say something stupid.  Unless it’s something that you’re totally against, like you’ve never said anything stupid before.

Out of all the horror stories you’ve read and even the ones I haven’t written yet, I’ve still never given up.  After over a thousand emails (yes literally) back and forth talking.  I’ve been talking to this really nice guy.  We’ll see where it goes.

Hope everyone has a great night!