The Ex (we all have one)

Admit it, we all have one. I didn't realize how lucky I was to have gone through so many and not have like so many have had.

You know, the ones that stalk the crap outta you and won't leave you alone? I never had an ex like that before. Once our relationship was done, so was everything else. Now, a few after several passing years, we became friends, again. But not very often did that happen.

My ex takes the cake. I'v been married twice before and both times divorced, a reject from down under in between the two marriages, (not to count all the rejects before my first husband), and my current ex takes the cake of being worse than all of them put together. Now, you're thinking, well then they weren't that bad. *Laughs* Oh, yeah! They were! Ask anyone who knows me, they've met a few of them and they'll tell you, the last one made the others look like Angels. (literally)

Lets back up to when we were together. (remind you, he's 30+ years old, NEVER lived out on his own and no kids) I'll go into deeper explanation later...

Over the age of 30 and still lived at home.
Didn't find out until later that his car was his sister's. (Because I did most of the driving)
Constantly bragging (and not in a good way) about his ex.
[Okay, that's was the middle now onto the end of the relationship]
Took me on one date.
I run two businesses. He said, "Aren't you going to get at least a part time job?"
On more than one occasion said, "You have to sleep at night."
And this, "When do you see your kid?"
And this, "You're not a responsible parent."
And this, "You're parenting wrong."
And this, "Your son doesn't listen."
And this, "You're lazy. You don't do anything."
And this, "All you do is complain."
And this, "It's in the past, (referring to my son's biological father), get over it."
This is what he said to my friends, "She's a selfish bitch. She's living off her kid's child support."
And this, "She lied about everything. Now, (points to my friend) you're a great parent."
And this, "She's always on her phone."
And this, "She's living off welfare."
And this, "She doesn't really own a publishing company."
And this, "My ex always wanted to go out and spend money on her." (first meeting to my friends, he complains about his ex)
And this, "That's all she ever asked for (money). Her financials should have been a red flag."
And this, "She's nothing but drama."

Okay, you get the drift. If you know a writer, or are a writer yourself, you know the hours put into writing a book. Well, then throw in running a publishing company and a subsidiary company. Congrats, you have my life - mixed in with being a single parent.

So, my day, (not getting any or barely any sleep from the night before - because getting caught up), spend the day with my kid/attempt to get a couple of hours of work in. After dinner, spend it with the boyfriend. Go home and work on the things that I didn't get finished from the night before. - That's my day.

He was good the first meeting. The second meeting, it was ALWAYS about his ex. I actually said, "I'm not her! Quit comparing me to her!"

I don't receive any type of child support for my child. So living off $0, hey! I'm rich! Because of my private insurance rates increasing from like $49 a month to $450 a month, (for two doctor visits a year), to monitor my asthma I went on medicaid. (And my monthly prescription went from $15 to $150 a month) Sorry, if you think that's welfare. If you do, then I was on welfare. I didn't receive a check from the state. I didn't receive anything except for my meds to be paid for.

He wanted me to get at least a part time job, complained about me not sleeping, - all for what?
When do I see my kid? Uh, during the day and I go out after he's asleep. (No, I don't leave him at home alone. Grandma and Grandpa is only down the street so he stays there when I go out.)

Nothing and I do mean nothing was ever good enough for him. Telling me how to parent. Telling me how to live. Telling me how to live my life. It just got worse and worse and worse. (Stupid me, I was in "love") He takes me on ONE date during the course of our ENTIRE relationship. To a concert. And, he'll say it wasn't a date. I say it was. But, all the other times we were together, we went for walks and talked. Okay, whatever, I'm not hard to please. But, don't say you're wasting money on me when, *cough* *cough* I always had to drive to your "parents" house to hang out with you.

I might add, during the course of our relationship, I spent more time with his family than he had with mine. (Spoiler alert - He cursed me out saying he spent time with them. I asked him what my brother's name was. He couldn't answer. I asked him what my parents names were. He couldn't answer.)

So, one day he breaks up with me via text. Okay, he could have been a man and at least called me since I was out of town. Guess who's shoulder he goes to lean on? His "best friend" and my "best friend". He listened to a bunch of rumors from some "friends" (who are no longer my friends), and began to blab to my friends. (But didn't do the grownup/responsible thing and come to me). Hence where the, "she lives off her kid's child support". Came from. Oh! And the fact that I had to give the house back to my ex-husband, I had to move in with my parents for a short period of time. He added, "And she moved back in with her parents. She can't even find a place of her own."

(Isn't it amazing everything you see "after" the fact?)

Here's a little turn table. He ran his own business. When he would fall short on cash, he would borrow from his family.

And, yes, it keeps getting better. "Your finances should have been a sign of how much trouble you're in. Your credit is shot." I laughed! I needed a new car. So what did I do? I drove to the dealership I have a good report with, (long story short), Signed on a brand new car, no money down. Him? He needed a new car. Couldn't get approved. He needed a co-signer. Even on a $5k car, he needed to put money down. Explain to me a score of 750 my credit is shot? Explain to me how I walked in, no money down, signed, and drove off the lot in a brand new $25k car?

I might add, an unexpected expense came in for the month. (It was a blessing at the same time, but didn't think I needed the extra cash right away) I sold my oldest laptop. (To the same dumbass friend who was spreading lies about me) I didn't know it at that time. Another long story short, my boyfriend gives my friend the money. (Behind my back after I told him to stay out of it) My dumbass friend moved away and didn't pay him back. He calls me the user. (If I'm missing something, please let me know) He hasn't returned my jewelry. I've asked for it back, oh, and I'm mentioning this because well, those who have been there, will know. I asked for it back, never got it back. Actually I was told, "get it yourself" from my friends. (Because I'm still out of town) I also get told, "Get it when you get back." Uh, isn't that prolonging the drama? I don't think so. So as far as I'm concerned, I made the last payment on the jewelry months after we were broken up. I know I ain't gonna get my shit back, so now he can't say I took anything from him. (Even though I don't believe I had in the beginning, but oh, well)

I lost my grandmother and not once did he ever say, "go visit her." (She was sick during the time we were together) Never once did he offer to be there for me. Never once did he do anything to show his support. That was until the day she passed away. I couldn't be there for her wake or funeral. So, I vented on facebook. He cursed me out for swearing. I put a post up, "RIP Grandma. Today is not the day to fuck with me." And he comes back with saying to watch my language because his family was on my friends list.

Okay, so we're broken up, and he's blocked me. He goes to all my friends and starts bad mouthing me. The one he was telling was "such a great mother" to, she said, everything you're accusing her of doing, that's me. My friends were pissed that he was talking shit about the privates of our relationship. (At a wake none-the-less) During this time, he was checking out another friend. (who was taken)

He expected me to come crawling back after he treated me the way he did and said all that shit about me. Yeah, nah. Wasn't going to happen. While he had me blocked, I went on with my life. I was finally getting caught up with work. (I couldn't before because if I didn't respond back right away, he accused me of cheating on him)

Well....yup, you guessed it. He unblocked me and we talked. We were "together" without the title. He didn't want anyone knowing he was back with me. (I was just seeing how long it was going to last for) We weren't together but he talked like we were. I told him to stop. We're either together, or we're not. I'm going going to be your dirty little secret. The belittlement got a hell of a lot worse. Constantly bringing up the past. Constantly telling me how bad of a mother I was. Oh, and he said, (brace yourself ladies) "It's impossible to have a miscarriage." Constantly talked about his ex. I was like dude, the future, I'm talking about the future, why are you bringing up the past? It's done, it's over with, move on.

I had to listen to it from my friends. He wouldn't let anything drop! He was beating a dead horse that had already turned into a skeleton. One night, he wouldn't give up. I had, had enough. I blocked him, in every format imaginable.

I'm not going to lie. For a few days afterwards, I wanted to apologize for other reacting. But, I didn't. I had too much pride and self respect. (Yes, I know for "love" you swallow your pride) But, to be mentally abused on a daily basis? Nah, sorry, I walk away from it. (I'm not even going to go into the lies he told his family - it's another book in the works) Any time my friends would mention him (because he was talking to them) I told them I didn't want to hear it. Or I laughed with them. I never asked how he was doing and I never initiated the conversation about him.

So the hours turned into days. The days turned into weeks. And the weeks turned into months. Each day I got stronger and valued myself more than the day before. With him out of my life, I was able to see clearly. I accomplished six months of work in a month without being distracted from him. I have never had so much self-respect for myself as I do right now. They stopped mentioning him to me and I never brought him up.

To this day, he's still bad mouthing me. Though, he'll never deny when someone says, "you love her." The funny part, I unblocked him, and he goes and blocks me. HA! Yes, I lost a few friends during this. But I'm not sad. I've learned. I've learned who I can trust and who I can't. That is the best lesson I can learn and I'm not walking away from it.

So, the worst relationship of my life, was the hardest lesson to learn. But I didn't walk away with nothing. Sure, I lost my jewelry. I lost time away from friends and family. But, I learned so much more. I learned to know when to say, enough is enough, and walk away. I learned that no matter how much you prove yourself's worth to someone, they'll never see it. I've learned that no matter what you give up, it'll never be enough. I've learned that during your trying times, you realize who will be there for you.

What was the real eye opener to make me stronger? I suffered from depression (a strong case of it) and turned to people I trusted. (Those I trusted, weren't there for me) I really sat back to think. You know, you get the times of you wished you were with the guy before? Well, it dawned on me. He wouldn't have been there for me. He was never there any other time I needed him before. With something as severe as depression, I knew the horrible things he would have said. And that was when I realized I was glad that I never picked up that phone to call/text him. He would have made things not only worse, but he would have held them over my head.

So, I vowed, to who ever the next lucky bastard would be, I raised the bar so high, I can't even touch it. And, I'm keeping it there. I also learned what happens when I lower my standards. That ain't ever gonna happen again!

Oh, and yes, I did leave out of what he did. (again, saving that for a future book) Hey! He's the one that said, "I hope you're going to write a book about us." And, yes, I sure the Hell am! I swear, a lot of the stuff I write about, I can't make up.

True Love

What is true love?
Everyone has their thoughts or views on it.

What is a soul mate?
Have you found yours? Did you think you found yours at one time?

Do you even believe in any of them?

Over the course of years, I've loved and I've lost that same person I thought I loved. My mistake? I fall too easily. Way too easily. The wrong guys say the right things. Actually, I look past the flaws and see what a person could be. In a way that's my mistake. When the reality is right there in the open.

Times are a lot different now then they were before. Everyone wants to hop in bed right away. Why? Then they cry when they end up pregnant, with a disease, or worse, find out they were being played.

Will finish this in a bit, my OCD is bothering me and I need to fix it.

Okay, it's later and my OCD is okay for the moment being.

Now, back to where we were...ah, yes, love. Our hearts play tricks on us. They really do. They make us see what someone can be and we fall in love with that, and not realizing the things we hate and won't be able to tolerate, be fogged by our perception.

When things happen to me, they happen all at once.
Guy 1 - Was almost everything I could have asked for. Except, well, lets just say, red flags, were red blankets being waved in a hurricane. We'll leave it at that.
Guy 2 - Was nothing I was looking for. I thought, maybe try the complete opposite of what I was looking for. I should have left the first moment I met him. I followed my heart. It got broken. But hey, I learned.

I learned something more important, I learned more about myself. I gained respect for myself. I loved the guy. I know he even loved me. But he liked to listen to people who didn't matter and were only looking at tearing him down because he had what they didn't. I put aside my hopes and dreams to help him with his.

When I actually tore myself away from him, blocking him in every manner possible. It was hard. I wanted to suck up my pride and apologize and beg for mercy. I thought about something. I sucked my pride so much in the short time we were together. He didn't see it.

Anyone who has been here, will completely understand. It took me many years to gain the confidence I have. It took an incredible amount of will power to suck up through all the shit and keep fighting. I wasn't going to allow someone who had negativity surrounding me, to bring deeper than I had ever been. I knew staying with him, that's exactly where I would be.

It's not easy! It takes a lot of power when you say, "I will leave if I'm not happy." To actually doing it. After several weeks of trying to prove myself's worth to him, the negativity was sucking me into a such a downward spiral, I knew if I didn't get out, I wasn't going to make it out alive. I almost didn't. To be with someone who makes you feel like you've never felt, and in the same breath, is the reason for your failure, is hard to see and even harder to escape from.

But I have learned I am a stronger person than I ever thought was possible. So, I cut ALL ties. Out of all the boyfriends I've had. (And trust me, I've had A LOT) He was the worst. Even when I was in high school, my ex's weren't nearly as bad as him. I had heard horror stories of ex's like him. Though, I never had one like him before. Everyone called me lucky. Now, I could see why. The drama that's created after the dissolved relationship, they don't give up.

I'm half a country away from this guy, blocked him from everything, and even put some of my friends on restricted. They have me on restricted. Why? Hmmm, IDK and I personally don't care. (The ones that I know still talk to him) I don't want drama. I have enough of it. I cut it out every chance I get.

The things that mind boggle me the most (and yet are the most laughable), he complains to my friends that I'm nothing but a walking drama series. Hmmmm, okay. My friends laughed. In fact, the only time I really talked to that group of friends, was because of him and what he was doing. (I needed someone to vent to).

His warped sense of reality, (as many of you know I'm an author and I run my own publishing company), was I was only allowed to work during the day and sleep at night. Hmmmm, okay. Taken the above and add the fact I'm a single parent, good luck with sleep. Right? The belittlement was unreal.

(I can go on about the harshness of this relationship but lets continue)

So, chance after chance, I told myself, "if he doesn't quit, I'm gone." One night was just too much. He kept bringing up the past. Saying how I used him. (umm, okay, again) I never asked him for a penny. Oh, and we went out on ONE date during the course of our relationship. So, he didn't quit and I told him goodbye and blocked him.

I cried. After we broke up, I concentrated on the business and my writing, and got so much more accomplished without him bothering me every two second of the day. With him out of my life, things were so much clearer. The respect for myself that I had lost when I was with him, came back stronger than ever. I decided to really concentrate on the business.

Decided to go a different route of getting noticed. Well, I ended up meeting guy 3. Like I said before, I fall fast. Learning from my past, I took things REALLY slow with guy 3. I mean really slow. I wanted to see if he could handle a conversation before we met. We got to know each other better that way. It was very nice.

The one thing I do that scares most off, my stress levels. They can get pretty high. When they do, all I need is someone to hug me and tell me it's going to be okay. I was frustrated one day and sort of took it out on him. (Not meaning to) But, I'm not going to smile and act like everything's okay when it's not. Plus, if the guy can't handle me getting upset, then what's the point? Right? Well, he comforted me. He didn't get upset with me. He didn't throw in towel. He held me as I was breaking down.

Everyone says you can't love more than one person. If you love someone now, you didn't love the ones in the past. That's not true. You fell in love with certain things. Those certain things was what you were looking for at that time that fulfilled your needs. That love made you realize exactly when true love was standing in your face, you would notice. (If you were lucky)

Now, with guy 3, I had been talking to probably a good 10 other guys. I really thought that guy 3 wouldn't go any further than one or two conversations. Guy 3 was really dude 9 out of the 10 other guys. I had high hopes for dude 2 and 5. When in fact, those were the two that didn't to more than 5 conversations. Every time I think that guy 3 is going to lose interest, he does something to show me that I'm his one and only.

What does this mean? It means we fall for the ones we least expect. If we're not paying attention, yes, sorry ladies, your "perfect" guy will be hidden in the "friend zone". Guy 3 wasn't exactly living right down the street either. He was on the other side of the country.

Some people ask, "how do you know?" That's a hard one to answer. Each person is different. I thought I knew with guy 2. I was wrong. We're allowed to be wrong. We're allowed to be wrong on what we think love is. When you say you love someone after a short period of time, and people say, "you're rushing". How would they know? They're not you. Don't let anyone tell you on how you're supposed to feel.

Do I love guy 3? I can't say it. But I do feel strongly about him. (There are still a few more factors I have to see before I can say it) I can see this working and lasting. I can see myself being happy. Not just now, but in the future. Again, people will say, I don't love him because I'm not sure. I didn't say that. I am sure, however, I'm learning from my past.

No matter how bad/bitter/eventful your last breakup was, don't close your heart.
Just be more aware.
Raise the bar and don't lower it.
The right guy will not only touch it, but will walk right over it without flinching.
Don't rush.
If you can't carry a conversation, how are you able to talk to each other if there's a problem?

I will tell you this. Love is when your brain isn't screaming at you. Some wide words were once spoken in high school. Go into a relationship with eyes wide open and when you get married, you have to shut them half way. Meaning, if you can't live with what you see in a relationship, get out. Because when you're married, they're not going to go away. You can't fight over them because why did you marry the person in the first place?

Right now, (and that's all you can do - live in the present), my brain isn't screaming at me. My heart has never been warmer. And, he's fully supportive of what I do. I couldn't ask for a better man.

Don't put pressure on what's going on in the present. If you're happy, only time will tell if everything will work out. So far, I'm happy, and this has been the calmest I've ever been. I see this as a wonderful start to something great.

Now, tomorrow that may change. And if it does, it does. But I walked away with something. I not only walked away with raising that bar a tad bit more, I walked with experiences I had never experienced. That in itself is what life is all about. Loving and cherishing the moments and hope there are more to come.

Friends

Every time I think I'm not good enough, I remind myself it's not that I'm not good enough, it's just that I don't want to be the reasons for anyone's disappointment. I've seen more in life than I've cared to. I once lived in fantasy and didn't want to leave. You've shown me dreams can come true. But all it feels like I've shown you is fantasy is not all what it is.

People will pretend to be your friend. Friends will think they know what's the best for you. Friends will tell you how to live your life.

I've lived through all of that and more.

People who I thought were my friend told me what they would do. So I did it. When it was their turn, they did the exact opposite.

I know people give better advice and don't always take their own. But when they ask you for yours and you said you did what they had said, they come back with, "Yeah, that didn't work out too well for you."

No shit!

People will act like your friend only to keep you around for when it's convenient for them. They don't care what makes you happy. If you're not there when they need you, the remove the part that's interfering with how they live.

Real friends won't hinder what makes you happy. Who cares what they think? Unless it's something major, but someone dated their friend and it didn't work out - I wouldn't call that major. A person who got a speeding ticket. Oh, please. Who hasn't gotten one of those?

I've seen friends get hurt over those they call a "friend".

I life by simple rules. If you haven't given me a reason to trust you, I'm not calling you a friend. If I've known you less than 5 years, most likely you're not in my circle. There are very few I have known for less than five years that are in my circle. Our friendship has been through the ringer and it's still there.

If we can scream at one another and be able to have a drink at the end of the day, you're one of my friends.
If we can not talk for days and when we hear from one another is to see how we're doing and nothing more, you're one of my friends.
If you can talk to me without belittling the guy I'm dating, you're one of my friends.
If you can get a long with my friends, (all of them), you're one of my friends.
If we can be blatantly honest with one another, no matter how much the truth hurts, and still be able to see both sides, you're one of my friends.

If the only time I hear from you is when you need a pity party, you've already been blocked.
If the only time I hear from your mouth is something negative, you've already been ignored.
If the only time you come around is when you need something, I'm not around.

People will know I have no qualms with removing users, abusers, and idiots from my life. Without hesitation. Without second thought.

You are not a friend when you lay a guilt trip saying how I never see you. Get off your ass and come see me.
You are not a friend if I don't hear from you for months, I get a boyfriend and then you turn all righteous. Where have you been for the last few months? So, no, I haven't hung out with you because of my boyfriend, (considering we've only dated for less than a month), I haven't hung out with you in the past six months because I always had to go and see you.
You are not a friend every time you text me and it's to belittle my boyfriend. That's nice he dated your friend. Your friend's a complete jerk. She didn't realize or how to treat a guy. Her loss. Tell her to stop trash talking and get a life of her own.
You are not a friend if you try to use reverse psychology. Not gonna work sweetheart. I aced the test and now hold the degree.

Sorry, the truth does hurt. When you meant for your friend to see me as a bitch, but it backfired. You've shown him that you're nothing but a two timing user.

I don't care about the great times we had as friends. That's in the past. Yes, you may have been there, but if you can't continue to be there, then I don't need you. Friends don't treat friends like dirt.

If I wanted drama, I would allow more people in my life. That's why I have a small circle of friends. I don't want drama and I don't want yours.

I'm not stupid. If the only time you ask me questions, I know you've been talking to a particular person.
I'm not stupid. Don't tell me that they're your best friend if they treat you like shit. Then I know that's how you're going to treat me.
I'm not stupid. I don't care what your problem is. Stop sucking off of it.

I'm tired of people putting their problems and pressures on me. It's simple once I figure it out. I delete the issue from my life. If it happens to be a "friend" so be it. They don't even notice when I'm not there until they need something.

I'm not here to make your life easier. But I do want to say thank you for making me wiser.

Never tell anyone the way they're living their life is wrong. Maybe it works for them. My life may not be fabulous. But it works for me. It may not be the way you could ever life, but it works for me. I would not have learned without the roads I have taken. I would not be where I am without the struggles.

I learned a lot this summer. Sadly, I've learned that no matter how great of a story teller you may be, there's always a lie hidden behind the truth.

Throughout life, I will continue to lose friends. I will continue to gain friends. That's life. Life's not fair and it's not easy.

Freeloaders

Over the last few weeks I learned a lot. I learned if you don't bend over far enough, people will help push you. I also learned that people don't think you're serious until you completely lose it.

Those aren't friends. Those are users and abusers.

I've also learned a lot about myself. Not to mention I learned a lot from others. If I have to defend myself, it's not worth the friendship. If you have to argue with why things are the way they are in your world, it simply means that they are trying to change your point of view to see theirs. And by doing so, it means they want something.

Relationships are the same way. If your significant other is defending someone other than you, run. Do you think they're defending you against others? Yeah, probably not.

So here are some simple rules to my life... (they may change as need be)...

1. It's my life, not yours.
2. Argue with me, I'll close the door.
3. If you need something, get off your ass and get it yourself. I'm not your bitch.
4. If you're always too busy when I need to talk to you (and I mean *always*) then don't worry about me answering my phone when you need me.
5. If I need to vent and I come to you, I trust you. Don't make me regret it.
6. If you get pissed off at me, and then I get pissed at you for doing the same thing you got pissed off at me about, go fuck yourself.
7. My brain does not function properly when it's agitated. Let it calm down.
8. If you defend anyone other than me, against me, that's not cool.
9. Don't like my rules? Think they're unfair? It's my life, not yours.
10. I don't fight for attention when I'm trying to talk to you on the phone. Call me back when you're free.
11. You have to let me go for no reason, that's fine. I'll go lean on someone else and I'll be okay to where I don't want to repeat the story.
12. It's my life, not yours.
13. I don't give second chances.
14. You get one chance.
15. I know we may not see eye to eye. That's okay. I still love you.
16. You value my opinion and I'll value yours.
17. It's my life, not yours.
18. I pay my own bills.
19. You need a ride, rule 1, gas money.
20. You need to borrow something, rule 1, where's the collateral?

Okay, I feel better.

Life's Lesson's (Trust)

This is a tricky little word. To some it takes years to gain and seconds to destroy. Others, it takes seconds to gain and years to destroy. Depending on the person. I trust everyone until they are given a reason not to trust.

Trust goes the same in any type of relationship. (Friendship, family, significant other)

Lets talk about significant others. (Sort of hashing back on jealousy)

If you are dating someone, a few key points. Don't hide your phone. Don't take calls away from that person. Don't stress, "they're only a friend"...

Yeah, it doesn't work. If you have a friend of the opposite sex, SHOW your significant other the text messages. Let them listen in on the phone conversation. If you have to use the stress phrase, end it with something platonic. "They're only a friend, I've known them for X amount of years. Anything less than a courtship, is not a friendship. Sorry. I'm not going to invite someone into my life after a month and call them my best friend. When you do that, your partner thinks that you'll go running to anyone for companionship.

Never give a person a reason to distrust you. I don't care how much and madly in love the two of you are, if there is doubt, they'll start questioning your motives. Now, they say if there is doubt run. Everyone has doubt. Soldiers who are overseas has to have trust. Normal business people going out of town for business. You have to be the one to console reassurance into your partner. If they don't get that from you, they will find it on the shoulder that is soaking their tears.

The phrase, a real boyfriend will say, "Can you answer that baby." A cheater (I'll discuss that later on) will have their locked and not even allow you to breathe on it. They'll get anxious if you even so much pass by the phone on your way to the bathroom. (Don't believe me, try it)

Here are some hints and tips.
If another person of the opposite gender is telling them they love them. (Make sure it's not a family member) Once you confirm it's not a family member, are they saying it back? Are they ignoring them, when they do say that? Are they bringing you up?

I had a husband to where this girl called me, "How's your lady friend?" She would never refer to me as his wife. I got upset. I believe I had every right to get upset. He however, did tell her to stop. He stopped talking to her for me. What a great husband. (Remind you, he's not my ex - because of the following)

Later on, we had a fight, and he went to another girl to talk to. He lied. She belittled me. Sorry, nine kids all by different guys, and on welfare, you have no right to speak about relationship advice. He talked to other people about us, instead of to me, about us.

Communication is IMPORTANT. (I'll address communication in detail later)
If you're not speaking to your significant other about your problems, or if you notice they're talking to others and NOT to you. Throw your running shoes on and run as fast as you can.

Now, with that in mind, you're just as guilty as they are. You talk to your friends. But, if you don't talk to them first, you have no right to tell your friends. It's none of their business. I'm not going to say it's wrong to talk to your friends about certain things. Sometimes we all need a reality check. Maybe we're making something out of nothing and your friends put you into check, helping ease a fight (or disagreement) even before it begins. I'm not you, use your judgement.

Relationships (I'll go into more detail about that later) your friends, is like the jury. You're the prosecutor. Once a bad thought about your significant other is planted in their heads, any time everyone gets together as a group, they'll be more resistant into allowing them into conversations or taking them seriously. They won't bad mouth you, but they will look at them differently.

Again, respect and trust are two different things. You have to trust the right people to spill your relationship woes to. Yes, single people give the best advice. But that's not ALWAYS the case. You have to know why they are single. If they can't hold a relationship for a long period of time - how do they know what to do. If someone has been through a couple of marriages, you have to know why the marriages failed. If they learned what they had done wrong, or where it had gone wrong, and they are aware, then it's safe to say their opinion has more weight than the one who is single and hasn't had a successful relationship.

Back to the main issue at hand. Now, depending on the length of the relationship.
Early on - Show them texts, let them listen to conversations, or voicemails.
Going into the serious stage, where the L word is used, exchanged passwords.
Going long term and serious to where there is a ring, or talk about moving in, let them answer emails or texts for you.
Engaged/married - everyone by this stage will know who's responding back.

Why? Lets face it, I don't care who you are, an important date is coming up. (I'm not talking anniversary) One will remember it over the other. Or one will question about plans or whatever the case may be. (Fill in the blanks)

Trust is a huge factor. If you hinder any of the following, it's putting doubt into their head. For most people, doubt turns into jealousy, (while it may be cute and all), they'll go crying onto someone else's shoulders and do you think that person wants what's best for you? No. They want to be with the person you "say" you want to be with so much. They'll do the things you didn't and goodbye relationship.

If for whatever reason you have to change your password, tell your significant other. And no, it's not saying they don't have trust in you, if you refuse to allow them to "check" your things. It's telling them that you have something to hide.It's curiosity. It's normal. It makes the brain start to think. Thinking isn't always a good thing and you just can't shut it off. It's what we call the potato chip disease. Once you have one, you have to have more. The same thing applies with trust. If they know you don't have anything to hide, they'll take your word over you having to prove your word.

If you have friends of the opposite sex. Never and I mean never hang out with them, until your partner has met them. I mean come on. "My boyfriend is hanging out with his best friend (which happens to be a girl) that her or him or both, had dated before, had feelings for before, one like other..."

You may trust them, but how well do you trust their "friend"? What if your partner happens to complain about something (unintentional) and they see their chance, (knowing they had lost it since they started dating you), to break the two of you up? They WILL take whatever opportunity they can. There is no ifs ans or butts. They will be that shoulder to cry on. They will be that ear to listen. They will be the arms to comfort.

Some of you can deny that all you like. But remember, it's not about what you see, it's about what your partner sees (or will see). Again, never ever and no it's never okay to use the phrase, "We're only friends." If your partner was friends with (insert their favorite actor/actress), do you think they wouldn't jump at the chance to be with them, if they showed the slightest, remotest, interest? That's how the other party sees it.

Oh, my favorite phrase, "They've been there for me in the past..."

Sorry, but that's nice. If you haven't heard from them and they make excuse after excuse as to not meet your partner. Where were they days/weeks/months ago? They pop up when you start dating or things become serious? There are lots of people that were in your past. It doesn't mean they deserve a spot in your future.

Look for the tell tale signs.
How often are they "there" for you? Is when they're convenient for them? There's a word(s) for that. User, abuser, and insert whatever ones you want.
When did they come back into your life? When you began dating your new partner? No word to be heard from them, until things got serious?
What excuses are they making for not meeting your partner? Sorry, I don't buy the ones who are: too busy, too sick, working too much, whatever, insert an excuse. (I could write a 1500 page book on excuses). They aren't *too* busy 24/7. They aren't working that entire time. If they would rather spend time with other people (their partners or not) than to take five minutes to meet their "best friends" new partner, sorry, that's lame. If they are constantly "sick". Sorry. If they have time to text message your partner, be online, hang out with their other friends, they aren't that "sick".

Now, ask yourself. Did you meet your partner's friends? Did they make time out of their busy lives to see their friends? Now, ask yourself this - how often did you see your partners friends out of the last month? Was it more often than you saw yours? How did they meet? Did they make time to get together? It could have been as simple as stopping into their work to say hi. Or meeting up for coffee.

Five minutes to put your partner's trust at ease, is that worth it than to make excuses for your friends and create hours if not days of tension? Me, personally - I don't make time for those who don't make time for me. Now, you will be the bad person when you want to take your partner and do something, just the two of you. Because their friends will be free.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, there is such a thing called double dating. I know it's old school and all. But it's where two couples go on the same date together.

Don't get made your partner when they want to hang out with their friends who had made time for you. Don't throw the excuse, "Well, my friends were free but you would rather of done this..." Sorry, but fuck yeah! Why do I have to alter my schedule. I don't live for anyone else. And if you do, sorry, move on.

Going back to the friends. They know when your partner is working and can't be there and "has an emergency". What are you going to do? Go to their beckon call? Did you know that most "emergencies" are when that person knows you won't be with your partner and will try to hinder what you have?

These are "Tactics 101".

If you are a real partner, you would decline until your partner could be there to assist.

Oh, and don't play sneaky. Most people won't tolerate it. If the "friend" can't drive, don't pick them up and surprise your partner with a greeting. Because for one, you were talking to them behind their back. Two, you were ALONE with them. (Fine, throw trust into there.) But weren't you the one who BROKE that TRUST when you didn't inform your partner of what was going on?

Meet in a public place to where all parties have their own transportation. If your partner says, "I don't like them." Don't throw the phrase, "You two have a lot in common." Bitch, please. No we don't. Ask something like, "why?" or "what makes you feel that way?" It shows you care about their feelings. If someone doesn't like someone, it's usually for a good reason. Yes, they may see them as a threat. Okay, maybe a few meetings it might take - I'm using that word strong, MIGHT take, a while for your partner to see that they are not a threat. But don't start inviting them over without checking with your partner first.

Most importantly, put yourself in their position. How would you feel? If you would get mad, upset, jealous, not like it, why is wrong that they feel the way that they do?

Life's lessons (Jealousy)

Jealousy is something I said I would never do - again.

I was wrong. It lead to hate and not being able to trust someone. Words are just words. Actions prove everything. I prove who I am by the way I write. I prove who I am by the way I speak. I prove who I am by the things I do.

Never be jealous of someone in another's life. If they choose to be with them, as heavy as that door is, open it without regret. Let them walk out. And lock that mother fucker as fast as you can. 

I wasted three years on empty promises. I wasted three years on empty words. I wasted over a decade on people who didn't deserve to have the time wasted on. It did not go unnoticed. I learned an important lesson.

People will hate you for all reasons. Being a writer people will hate you because they expect you to make more and support them. Being a writer, people believe they can piggy back off of you. Being a writer, if you weren't there when you were a nobody. Don't expect to be there when they are a someone.

We stress what we say. We even repeat ourselves. In the end - we will be, "Do whatever you want." But remember this ending..."Don't expect us to be there, waiting."

If you value us, cherish us, love us, then don't do anything that is going to make us regret having you in our life. 

You can think that's wrong of us, and we personally don't care. It is who we are. Stand by us and laugh in the darkness, or leave. But don't expect to return. It's as easy and simple as that.

We will only fight for so long. When we're fighting longer than it takes for us to complete a manuscript, (for me it's a week, so good luck), we can have our protagonist look better than how you ever treated us. We have no issues with walking away. We have real friends who will stand by our side, making us feel wanted. Every time you try to have us compete for your attention, there is someone else competing for ours. 

There is a reason of why my nickname was, "flavor of the week". I had guys lining up for the chance to be with me. They were waiting for the current one to mess up to be there to be the shoulder I cry on. You know what? And you guessed it, I am human and I went and cried on their shoulder. Why would I be with someone who ignores me when I have someone who is willing to be there to listen?

They say a little jealousy is a good thing. To a degree. If you have to continuously fight over the same thing, the same person, day in and day out, remove the common denominator. If the person refuses to remove the common denominator, then walk away and never look back.

A person will show how much they care about you by being there for you. By doing whatever it takes to keep you in their life. If they are making excuses as to why someone should stay, it should make you wonder what they are saying about you. 

Yes, it goes on with trust. (Which, I'll talk about in another post). But, if you can't calm a persons fears, they're only going to grow. I have realized that jealousy, fuck that shit, I don't have time for it. 

Jealousy and a writer go hand in hand. If you aren't (weren't) there from the start of our writing career, we don't care who you are. You are a nobody. Point blank. We did not get to where we are because of you and we will not get any further because of you. We see you as an anchor that we don't need in our life. Sad but true. 

The writing process is long and tedious. We spend many hours in front of our computer. We spend many hours fighting writers block. If someone else is going to come and take your attention, in all honesty, we're not going to notice. And most important - we're not going to care. The people who know how we are, are going to be there regardless.

Our brains go faster than most. Most think of only one way of how something will go. We think of ALL the possibilities. We devise plans and have multiple paths to reach various conclusions. If you don't calm all the conclusions, our mind is still going to be going at the speed of light.

Dating a writer is not easy. It's an uphill battle. Being with us is an adventure on its own. If you can't handle the storm, stay out of the rain. We don't want anyone who isn't there willing to defend us till the end of time. 

Pet peeves on businesses

This is to everyone who has a business.

As a consumer, I'm well aware of certain practices you implement. However, there are a few to where you will lose business. If you provide a service and a customer complains...

Don't sit there and tell them that it's a shotty job, AFTER the fact. Because *cough* remember, you are the one who provided the service.

If you don't think one persons opinion matters, you're in the wrong line of work.

I'll give an example. It was at Magic Nails in Homer Glen, IL.

The summer prior, they had done a great job on my nails. I had an upcoming wedding to attend and needed my nails done. So I go without hesitation or question on places I trust.

Going there right away when I came into town. I had the guy do my nails. (BTW, if anyone who does your nails, their pinky is the longest, while all the other nails are shortly cut, they use that nail to snort crack). Found that out when the guy flirted with me and hinted if I had done it. (Later I had confirmed from reliable sources of that is why they keep that nail as long as they do)

Anyways, my nails were done and I paid the tab. The following day, (the day of the wedding) the nails had so many bubbles in them and there was a human hair in one of them. Not only that, but they had charged me twice. Be careful of that. They'll "accidentally charge you twice. It'll take about two weeks for the correction. (In the meantime, they have your money and your account is thrown off)

When I stopped in before going to the wedding - this is what they told me when I complained.
"Your nails won't be photographed and they'll be at a distance, no one will know."

Ugh?! How gross? After I raised enough stink, they offered to redo my nails.

Sorry, but would you seriously trust the same people who messed up in the first place? I wouldn't. And, I didn't. They refused to give me a refund and/or come back on a different day to get them fixed.

Being the nice person I am, when I arrived back into town, couple days later. (Wedding was out of town) I went back there to talk to them.

Their response, "Your nails are nasty. There are no refunds."

Excuse me? Yeah, my nails are nasty because y'all are the ones who had done them. If a stranger can see the bubbles and you can't, got news for you. You're in the wrong line of work, if you can't admit that you're not perfect.

So, I put a dispute on my charge and after much fighting, got the charges reversed.

I out of most, understand mistakes happen. But if a business can't admit their wrongs and fix them, how are we teaching our kids? I understand some customers there is pleasing them. However, if it's a customer that has recommended you and has made business off of you, and you treat them like that, they will start sending their referrals somewhere else. Why give another store (when there are already so many nail places out there) the business to steal repeat business.

I'm not a business major, but even I have that one figured out. That was my experience with shotty work.

So,
1. Don't tell the customer YOUR work is dirty.
2. Don't "ignore" the problem and say you "don't see it."
3. Don't argue with them. When you speak to them in your native tongue, remember, many are able to "understand" what you're saying, but not speak the language.
4. Social media is hot. (if you've forgotten) I took a picture of my nails and reddit that.
5. Is refunding one person that much of a big deal, to please them and keep their mouth shut, instead of screaming in your store? (possibly scaring off new clients if that's their first time?)
6. If you're not a strip joint, don't flirt with the customers.
7. Don't show off your crack finger.
8. If you make a mistake - own up to it. (I will pay more for a service if they own up and say they'll fix it if it wasn't done right the first time)
9. Screw up enough  times, certain banks won't allow their customers to use their cards with you. (You weren't the first complaint the bank heard of from your facility)

That's my pet peeve for that business.

Kids

Everyone says you're not ready to have a kid until...while wanting to dispute that statement, as wanting to agree with that statement - The shrieking cries, the mess, the attitudes, the horrific screams, that's from the good parents. How about the bad parents? The ones who don't stop partying. The ones who leave their kids by themselves. The ones who plain just don't care. The ones who abandoned one just to raise a family with another. The ones who 'think' they know what it takes to raise a kid. It's not easy.

Any parent will admit that. I may not be the best mommy in the world. But damn, mine is alive, healthy, and has everything he needs. (Not wants, remember that's different) I don't believe that I should revolve around my child. AND I don't believe that my child should revolve around me. We are two people having to live together - I am the best-friend. I am the guardian. I am the one who is there when he scrapes his knee from riding a bike, playing outside, cleaning up his vomit when he is sick, being over cautious when he's not in sight. I am the first love. I am the enemy. I am everything in one. There is one thing as a parent we never want our kids to experience. Pain of an emotional let down. The bruises they get from riding a bike or getting hurt, is a learning experience.

Kids are only precious as the parents raise them. They take the time to polish them into what they can be. Many parents don't do that. They let the kid remain a kid with never growing up.

Do not judge...

When dealing with the internet, no matter how we have our controls set, we can almost be rest assured, someone outside of our circles will see them.

Now, I post what I post for a various amount of different reasons. I am human. I do error in a lot of ways.

We all judge in one way or another.

You saw that cute picture posted, (you know the one you can relate to). So you click like and share it. Then someone who has never been in your shoes, posts a stupid comment.

You saw a funny picture of someone being stupid. You click like and share. Then you get a few likes and shares off of that.

What are we doing? We're judging what we like, what we think is funny, what we think is disgusting but yet so hilarious we must show everyone.

You do a rant. Some people understand, some don't. Those who don't accuse you of being too judgemental. That's funny, becuase isn't that what you just did? You judged me because I judged someone else?

Sorry teens, crying over a pair of designer jeans your parents refuse to get you. That's not stress nor is it the end of the world. Crying over because you don't have the latest Iphone. Whatever. I don't have an Iphone and don't care to own one.

There is 99% of the time I put what I put for a reason. I made a post about how people handle stress. When you say everyone handles stress differently, I agree. But, come one, it's not stress when the sole's of your shoes get wet.

That day, when I posted the daily's of stress, was someone emailed me complaining about how their spouse bought them a single rose instead of a dozen. I listened to them rant about it for an hour. (I was doing other things in the meantime, of course). But, then a friend of mine, she wanted prayers sent because she was diagnosed with cancer. So, please go on about how cheap your spouse is. Here's a person who may not live to see next year, (if they're lucky) and you're stressing over because you got one rose.

I don't put all my woes out there. I have more than most. (We'll leave it at that) So, yes, it does bother me when somone whines and complains about stupid crap.

I threw a party. I invited a lot of people. Many RSVP'd with saying they were bringing guests. I rented a hall, enough food to feed an army and less than twenty show up out of a thousand. Money wasted on renting the hall and buying all that food. I didn't stress. We still had a great time.

Here's something you may not know. I was once living out of my car with my child. So, when someone says and complains about how they're complaining their house is a mess. They have a house to mess.

There is a difference between judging and stating the facts. Yes, everyone handles stress differently. What we may not see as stress, doesn't mean that it's not stressful for someone else. However, there is also a difference between complaining about the small crap in life. So what, if you're shoes are two years old? They still fit right? They're not falling apart, are they? No?

We live in a throw away society. Back in my day, we used it to the last possible second. I had shoes that the soles were falling off. I put some crazy glue on them, and they were good for another month. I had a pair of shoes - (True story) I was out with grandma and we were walking. I heard a clop-clop-clop. I stopped and looked around. Didn't see anything and the clopping stopped. The next step I took, the sole completely fell off. Wouldn't have been that bad, if they weren't semi-platform shoes. I was walking around the rest of the day like that. Everyone was laughing. Was I embarrassed? Oh, yeah. However, I picked up the sole and joked about it.

The moral? I had that pair for over ten years. I didn't throw them away and upgrade them because they were "old".

Too many people care about what other people think. I don't care what you think. I do what I believe is in the best interest of my family and myself. I don't care if I have the latest and greatest. If it works, it means I don't have to spend money on something new, that I'm not going to get the life expectancy out of, anyways.

I'm proud to say I've owned something for years and it still works. No matter what or when you buy it, the "shininess" fades. Who cares? If it works for what you need it for - who cares what someone else has.

Having a brand new car is nice. However, think about this. When you see someone driving around in a new car versus your old sedan. They may have a high car payment. You have none. Sure, you have to throw some money into it. But unlike them, you don't have to worry about making a monthly payment.

Here's another true story. I walked into a dealership and bought a brand new pickup right off the showroom floor. Less than a month later it was in the shop. It was continously in the shop after that. I was making payments on a brand new car (not to have to worry about it being in the shop), and it was. Compared to the one who drove the older sedan who hardly saw the inside of the shop and had no payments.

When you judge others, you judge yourself. I am guilty of it, as much as you are. When you submit a query letter to a publisher, they are judging your work. They'll say it's not what they are looking for. (Now, don't worry, they don't even know what they want or are looking for)

When you apply for a job. You have someone half your age, quizzing you. (Anyone else find that ironic?)

We judge congress by saying they make too much. (You can't say we don't) Is it true? Yes. They make more than they should. That is a fact. However we are still judging.

To sit there and say you don't judge, I laugh. I bet I can go through your wall and find posts you've judged someone else on. Just because you've never heard of it, doesn't mean that it's not true.

When someone says - if you can't afford your kids, don't have them. Wow! Look at what that person is wearing? Did you see what that person did? That person clearly saw what was going on and didn't say anything. Maybe, maybe not. Again, it may seem like an opinion, but it's also passing judgement.

Remember, if I stand in the garage, I'm not a mechanic.
If I go to church, I'm not anymore a Christian than someone who never goes to church.
If I sit and listen to my friends problems, I'm not a therapist.

I have been there, (in most cases), I have seen more than most. When I speak, I speak from personal experience. Many don't know that because I don't broadcast my personal life.

Opinions are judgements. You may not agree with something, and that's your judgement for your opinion to disagree.

It's those with closed minds who don't see other viewpoints, other than their own.

Users/Abusers/Losers

Okay, we know I'm less than subtle. We know I'm the most not politically correct author you'll meet.

This post is dedicated to the everyone emailing me their stories from my High Horse one.

Users

Don't use people. Plain and simple. I don't care if you've done more for someone than you're getting back. It's called being a decent human being. If you're the one who's getting and not giving, your time will come. People won't want to work with you.

I think of friendship as dating. Just without the sex. It's a relationship that has to grow in both directions. I dated a guy who said, "Would you even consider having them as a friend?" If you answered no, then why would you want to be with them? So, think of it as the reverse. Would you consider dating this person? (If you swung that way, or opposite or whatever) If yes, then they have friendship possibility. If no, why would you want to be friends with that person?

There are a lot of people out there willing to do things JUST to see someone else smile. When you demand, you become a user. When you a repeat demander, you are an abuser.

Abusers

Maybe you caught someone at the right time and place and they were able to do something right away. Don't expect it all the time. Unless you're going to die tomorrow, wait in line.

Your favorite soda is going on sale. (Hence the right time and place) You come back a week later and it's no longer on sale. You're not going to demand that they have the same special as last week. The company is only going by the companies they're selling promotions.

Say you go into your normal gas station and grab a coffee. You're at the checkout line to pay. You know the person and they know it's your birthday, so they don't charge you. Every day ain't your birthday. It's a nice gesture. Politely and gratefully thank them and be on your way.

Losers

Oh, how I'm going to love this one. If you read my last post, I guess we could call it cry babies too. When you complain about reporting/or how they shouldn't be doing something, JUST because it offends you, get off your high horse. You're a NOBODY! I'm a NOBODY! Well, I'm a somebody, just not to you.

Go ahead and report them. By you threatening you're going to do so, means you have no life. You're probably the one on craigslist, under romance that is flagging every post. Just because you have nothing better else to do with your time.

Haggling with people on the internet, does it mean that much to you? Seriously? Do you really have no life that you need to go trolling and making everyone else miserable? That's what you're making it seem.

How old are we again? I'm over 30 and enjoying my life. Thank you very much. I love my job, I can work from home and get paid to write this blog about whiney sniveling little idiots.

One, if you're offended by any of posts, "Well, if the shoe fits..." You're not the only one and you won't be the last one. I'm tired of a 50+ year old whiney about someone half their age doing something they don't like. Hell, my 89 year old grandmother doesn't complain as much as you do! Get over yourself! Who cares what you do. Really. Because I don't. I'm tired of listening to it, and there's this neat feature called BLOCK. Which is what I do after I unfriend your ass.

How about this? This is only an idea... Instead of sniffling about it, how about you ignore them? Oh, but I forgot that would be considered a decent human being with common sense. I'm sorry. I'm not sniffling over anything. I'm enjoying this. You know why? Because I know it pisses you off more.

I think we need to have a little law lesson. Disclaimer - I'm not a lawyer nor do I practice to be one.

Defame/slander - Any intentional false communication, either written or spoken, that harms a person's reputation; decreases the respect, regard, or confidence in which a person is held; or induces disparaging, hostile, or disagreeable opinions or feelings against a person.

Means, I must state who the person is. Since, this applies to so many of y'all take a pick. I'm also protected by the first Amendment of freedom of speech. Bite that one. Here's another food for though, what reputation do you have that I, myself, haven't created? So, there for, doesn't apply. Speaking the truth isn't defame nor is it slander. Thank you for playing our lovely game, better luck next time.

I can make fun of people all I like. It's called being an author. I get paid to make fun of other people. I don't watch TV but I did catch a glimpse of Tosh.0 or something like that. He spends 30 minutes with commercials, constantly making fun of people. Go bother him. No, you sit there with your bag of potato chips, laughing at his clips and egging him on from your couch. (Which, you probably haven't moved off of in weeks except to take a piss.) I hope, anyways.

If you're going to run your mouth, please do your research. There's nothing worse than arrogance. Worse when you add stupid arrogance to the pile. You're the one slandering your own self. So, before you run your mouth, or your fingers, make sure it's not making you look like the stupid one. Re read what you wrote and think what you would think if you read it. If you would make fun of the post, yeah, most likely other people will as well.

New Dating

Maybe not all, but most can relate.

You see me talk about my books.  I’m a regular person just like y’all.  So I’m sure you want to know more about me, than just what I’m writing about.  So anything book related to the series will be on that book’s webpage.

Have you gotten out of a divorce? A bad relationship? A not so bad relationship? A well decided to take a break from the dating scene to focus on your career?  Then decided to jump back in?  It’s a whole other world.  Those born in the 80′s and earlier can relate.

The one thing about the books, (yes I’m talking about the books), LOL it relates to life doesn’t stop and it changes to how we once thought it was.  I started writing, and when I was done writing, it’s like everything was backwards.

I’m an 80′s born and raised girl.  I’m old fashioned.  So let’s start with that.  How did we used to meet people?  It wasn’t by what you’re reading off of now.  It was getting out of the house and going somewhere.  You met someone by walking the mall, parks, get togethers, whatever the case may be.

I  remember this.  I was 15 (I think, maybe 16) and working.  There was this somewhat cute guy.  Older than me.  I knew he was player.  You knew by looking and talking to him.  That’s why I never paid him any mind.  He kept hinting that he wanted my ‘digits’.  A naive girl I was at the time.  Annoyed everyone by asking them was were digits?  Seriously I didn’t know.  I still didn’t put it together when they told me it was 7 numbers.  I always counted area codes, so yeah my mind blew by that one.

Now, after more than one failed marriage, and a kid, and my career on hold, going back to school to finish, the dating scene is harder than ever.

I’m not looking for another marriage.  But I’m not looking for what they call a FWB. Friends with benefits.  I don’t play that.  One night stand, oh no.  It was a real eye opener lately to see a lot of things change place to what once was.

Divorce – oh hell, if you don’t like your partner tomorrow, divorce them and marry another one two days later.

You get someone pregnant or you get pregnant – depending on your age – MTV here we come! OH please, don’t even get me started.  By no means am I saying you should get married if you become pregnant.  But when you’re on your 7th kid by a different person, yeah.

There seems (again, maybe its just me) that there is no family values anymore.  I still take them very seriously.  When people ask me about my past.  I usually start with my first husband.  (Because anything beyond, I was young and stupid) Hey, we all have those moments.

First husband, couldn’t keep his pants up.  Couldn’t handle playing house and took off shortly after our son was born.
After him – Used me until the well ran dry and moved in with the girl he was cheating on me with.
After him – Didn’t even last a night, complete idiot.
After him – Couldn’t grow up/take responsibility/alcoholic (and not a nice one)

So a decade later – guys want the barbie doll frames for trophy’s on their arm.  I ain’t no barbie doll.  I have curves.  Take that as you will.  I don’t want to be a barbie doll either.  I don’t want everything.

This is what I’ve encountered -

Bad date (there’s many but picking the top ones)

Looks nothing like picture, bad comb over, and boring conversation. (Boring I mean, I had more of a conversation with the window that was 20 ft away)

Now guys take some notes here – IDK about all girls, I’m speaking about me and the old fashion kind.

I’m NOT hot, cute, or pretty.  I’m DAMN beautiful and gorgeous.

We all know getting to know someone new is hard.  Believe you me I know.

There will be awkward silence. – in the beginning.  Me, personally, I don’t care if you ramble on about rocks, it tells me that you want to keep the conversation going and it might spark into another conversation.

If sex is the topic within the first 5 minutes – I move on. Yes, I’ll be honest, I want to know your size, I want to know if you’re decent in bed because committing to you.  But there’s so much more behind that.  Yes, I know society has us hooked on sex.  But I don’t need to hear it.  Let’s be honest you can tell our size by looking at us, we can’t tell yours.

This is not my idea of a pick up line, “Let’s get naked and cuddle.”  Do you really think that I’m that stupid to believe it?  I go running straight for the hills.  You may not be a little over critical about your body, (even though some are proud of their small beer belly) us women who have had children who are NEVER going to fit into what we were in high school, yes are little embarrassed.  Let’s be honest women, our metabolism has changed and no matter how active we are, it’s like the fat just doesn’t want to leave our body.

We are all crazy.  So if someone says they have no skeletons. HA! We ALL do!!!! It doesn’t matter who you are.  Some yes, are more than others.  Drama is based on who’s observing the drama.  My drama in my life is fairly low.  It’s the others who bring it into my world.  Never go looking for skeletons because when you do, yours will fall out.

Maybe I’m a little too blunt up front then most are used to.  But I would rather know what you’re getting yourself into.  The multiple failed marriages and a child.  And please guys – (and girls) don’t lie about not having a kid.  I met a really great guy.  But he wasn’t so great because he’s like see that picture, (duh – you mean the hot super model?) that’s my kid she’s holding.  He wanted me to like him because back at that time, I would not date a guy who had a kid.  I told him, it was up for me to decide for one, two and if I didn’t meet you solely for that reason, would you want to be with someone like me?  We lost contact after that.  I’m not going to lie, he was a sweet guy.  His downfall is that he lied to me.  Not about something small.  Oh I’m a clean freak and you go over and it looks like WWIII struck over night.  If you’re going to deny your kid, what makes me think if things worked out between us, if you wouldn’t deny if we had one.  He did say he wouldn’t.  I broke it off.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve always made the right decision.  Oh but girls (and guys) here’s an important lesson I’ve learned the hard way.  If you’re dating someone and they haven’t told you that they love you yet.  Don’t take their drunk “I love you” seriously.  Yeah, because they won’t remember it the next day when you greet them with a loving “I love you.”  They’ll look at you like you’re insane.  Then they think you’re moving too fast.

Now, if you have a close knit of friends, (like Lexi does, yes I mentioned the book), have them meet your friends.  My friends warned me on the bad ones.  I brushed them off.  I’m sorry I ever did.  I feel sorry for my married friends – because I’m the 3rd wheel.  Some – okay, okay, okay, all of the time.

It’s the little things that mean the world to me.  Sending me a text message to let me know that you’re thinking about me.  That means I’ve crossed your mind.  A hug.  And not just any old hug.  The hug that tells me that you’ve missed me. Holding my hand in public – meaning I’m not your dirty little secret.  If I’m willing to fight for you – you better be willing to fight for me.

When one stops complaining and doesn’t even care if you exist, yeah.  When I sit there and tell you how I feel.  When I sit there and sob and ask you a thousand questions, it’s because I care.  Not because I’m trying to be annoying or controlling.  When you sit there and tell me that you’ll be home in 5 minutes and don’t come home until 5 hours later because you were drinking with your buddies that were talking shit about me and you were taking their side!  That one still erks me.

My quote that I used a lot in my last marriage.  If you can’t touch me sober don’t touch me when you’ve been drinking.  If you can’t touch me when you’re awake, don’t expect it 15 minutes before my alarm goes off for the day, while you get to sleep in.  I need that extra 15 minutes so hopefully I don’t loose my sanity throughout the day.

If you can’t show support in anything your significant other does, you have no entitlement to get pissy with them.  Regardless if I make it big or not.  If you can’t be there to support me through my worst then you sure as the hell don’t deserve my best.  And I know that I’m very damn well worth it.

We will always compare our worst and see it for the future.  We have to learn of when it is and when it’s not the same.

Come on – we’ve all done it at one time or another.  “Hey bro – I’m going on a date.  Call me in an hour.”  Yup I’ve done it.  Yeah, but not really it’s being mean.  Yes, I would rather have, I’m not interested in the beginning. But then again, it’s human nature to feel sorry by not being that blunt.

One of my favorite ones.  “Sorry, I gotta go,” he said, quickly as he hung up the phone.  And you never hear from him again.  Or, “Sorry I didn’t want you thinking that I stood you up, but I got called into work,” he said, behind a hidden, oh yeah she’s not as hot as her picture look upon his face.

I was told that if I lost some weight and wore make up I could be a real hottie.  Well that’s good to know what NOT to do.  Because I don’t want to be a hottie.  He wasn’t much to look at ladies, so don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.  Oh – but if I wanted to have some fun, to call him.  Yeah okay, now there’s a major turn on!  NOT!

There were some good ones in between, but no chemistry.  Yes, physical attraction is a part.  But I like to get to know someone for their heart, that’s what makes them beautiful.  (Trust me if you’ve seen some of my ex’s you would know that I am speaking the truth) My first husband, everyone refers to him as the ‘tool’.  Still not sure what that means.  But yeah, there’s my taste.

For those that want to give up.  Trust me I know the feeling.  It’s hard.  Those that you think are decent, don’t find you attractive enough to give you the time of day.  The ones that you don’t find attractive – oh – which leads me onto the next topic.

Don’t be needy.  Let us see that you have a life.  If I say I’m going into a meeting, that doesn’t mean to text me 5 minutes later asking me if I received your voicemail.

With as much technology as there is, it’s only making the dating scene so much harder.

Questions I ask myself:

How many other girls have you said this too?

How many other girls have actually bought it?

OH! This one I just remembered.  Met a guy from the internet.  (yeah bad me) But we were sitting in his living room, reading, no shit, a car muscle magazine, talking about it.  He couldn’t get over it.  Then came a knock at the door.  Middle of winter.  His ex-girlfriend was there begging him back.  She walked to see him.  He apologized to take her home.  Whatever.  Never heard from him again.

I lost my high school class key because of a jerk who wouldn’t return it.  Oh I’m pissed over that.  I worked all summer to save up for my ring and class items myself.

Another thing – I have the open mouth, input foot syndrome.  I’ll say things and then smack my forehead about how stupid that sounded.  We all say something stupid.  Unless it’s something that you’re totally against, like you’ve never said anything stupid before.

Out of all the horror stories you’ve read and even the ones I haven’t written yet, I’ve still never given up.  After over a thousand emails (yes literally) back and forth talking.  I’ve been talking to this really nice guy.  We’ll see where it goes.

Hope everyone has a great night!

Social Networks

This is going to take me a week to fill out - so stay tuned...

We have (in no particular order)

Myspace - is this even still in existence? I don't use it much. In fact it's been years since my last log on. But, it gave you the customization to the background you wanted. Then, it lagged, slow as crap and nothing but kids on there. So, everyone moved to Facebook

Facebook - The original design was loved by many. The new design is hated by many. I personally hate the new design. Nothing we can do about it.
It's plain - Nice
Pictures you can limit your audience - Nice
Scrolling down to find something - Not so nice
Circles - Not so nice
Like pages - Eh, okay.

My own personal opinion, people are still there because of the games. If the games could travel, so would the people.

Twitter - Is there really a point to this? I'm on twitter. However, I rarely check it. I get people who I'm not even following in my feed. Impossible to keep track of tweets that come through. I have it, but gave up on it.

Pinterest - I forgot where I saw the phrase. I'm not taking credit for it, but it went something like, clothing kids we don't have, decorating homes we'll never own, and food recipes we'll never gain enough courage to attempt. It's an interesting concept. Reminds me of an organized Facebook to where you can easily go back to it later. I'm on it, but I don't do much with it.

Instagram - Never done it. But, I heard after they said whatever photos you upload now become their property, eff that! Many people left instagram. I can't comment on the usage or functionality because I never signed up for it.

Google + - I personally like this one. It's Facebook and twitter rolled into one. Circles are easier to control. Sorry for the people who don't play games. There's not much on there. I think that's why no one's transferred over.

And more...

Included not Life

So, still trying to figure out this blog crap. For warning, I may and do swear (throughout my blogs). I am vulgar and tell it like it is. I'm far from being politically correct.

So, let's begin with the first gripe, shall we? This adsense earnings crap. Why does everything in this world have to be 3943620239473 pages to read through to explain why you did or didn't or how or how you didn't follow the rules? Can you just tell us, "Hey idiot, you didn't do this." Then, when asked, or when someone else has a problem, we can be like, "Yeah, we didn't do this...we're idiots."

Again, that's just me.

Stay tuned...
I'll be taking about
new age dating...
consumer products...(crap that I buy on my own and give honest reviews about)
gripes/petpeeves
marriage/relationship
social networks
and so much more

If there's something you wanna see, put a comment and I'll talk about it!

Also, warning, depending on time of day and how much sleep I've had, (and which pot of coffee I'm on) sometimes my posts may seem a little drunk.